BLOODY FETUSES, BURRITOS AND RAMBLES! [a.k.a Myra’s first blog post]

Here on my desk sits a newborn: mushy with blood and fluid and squealing its first breaths of life. Its mouth opens into a red swamp. Something inside it gurgles.

I stare at it. Oh God. It is mine.

My first child. It sits with my pencils and books on grammar, its fingers sticky with blood and tears and some Coke I probably spilled there last week. It realizes I have entered the room and stares stupidly back at me. It needs to be fed. It…it is…

It is a blog.

      Now that I’ve got that lovely image in your head, I suppose I should introduce myself, eh?

I am Myra Wintermute. No, that is not my real name. I am 21 years old, single, and I live in Western Canada (in a place I like to call “Redneckville”–it shall be called so from now on). Redneckville is a combination of every place I ever lived as a child. Each place I moved to, though it had new faces, seemed exactly the same. I never managed to fit in. This’new kid’ feeling of  the”outsider” never quite faded away after puberty. (Cuz’ admit it: we were all outsiders at puberty.) Being the Other gave me a different–and I guess, clearer–look on things. I vowed to keep this outlook, and therefore at one point resigned to be a…people watcher. Which translated, means, “a loser with no friends.” Thus, my schooling years commenced with me sitting in a corner and waiting for graduation. I jumped at my first chance to get away: an acceptance into University.

Yay!

But once I got all settled in, a horrifying fact dawned on me. I hadn’t left Redneckville behind. Redneckville…it was me. It had become me. It is a part of me and I suppose it always will be. I found myself diving deeper into social isolation and videogames, losing all social skills my parents taught me.  I could feel the writer in me dying a little, but I was too busy drowning myself in Coke and Doritos to care.

Nearing the end of my University career, it has only now dawned on me that I could put my useless outsider knowledge to good, well, use, by the way of the internet. I’d always been a writer by nature, but too damn awkward to do anything about it. An anonymous blog seemed like the best idea. The internet had been my friend for years. 

By last summer, I had made the decision. My baby needed to be fed–something other than liquefied sugar and Zelda cheats. But what the hell to call it? What the hell to say? I spent months planning it out, writing snappy humour pieces that always seemed to be insulting someone I knew. I came up with dozens of usernames, site names, alter egos, and topics. I obsessed with becoming a personality. I asked myself if the internet really needed another sarcastic, slightly bitchy contributor. Every time I sought out to start, I would forget who I was insulting, or why I was writing, and stop. None of my self-taught genius ever made it to the web. Which is probably a good thing.

RambleScape is my second attempt. A space to ramble on about my day, in the way I usually do on the internet. A space where I could mindlessly wander the landscape of internet with complete freedom. Where I could join a community of people with nifty skills, and gain new friends,i nsulting people who irked me only a small, indiscernible sliver in my bloggy pie. Instead of making it all about me and my people issues, I vowed to make someone’s day slightly better. Or try to. 

This blog is for you.

What should you expect in RambleScape?

• Lots of memes. I like those.

not sure if funny…

• Writing and stuff. I’ll write about my day, or whatever writers do nowadays

• A carefree attitude.

None. I give none.

Even though I am an English major and have a soft spot for grammar, I will not stick it up anyone’s ass. I promise I will never write shoddy poetry, recommend reading an entire library, or go all grammar-nazi on you. I like to share interesting things with you, whether it be cute kittens, a cool new artist, a book (god forbid), movies, worthy causes, and weird shit that I happen to pass in my day. And I pass a lot of weird shit. You’ll see soon enough.

• General inappropriateness. 

Hilarious.

• And as the title states, rambles! Nothing is off limits. I hope you find it as interesting to read as it was to write. I shall write about…everything. All wrapped up in a fluffy tortilla of html. Whether it is delicious is questionable.

Yeah. It’ll be kinda like that.

Ideally, I will post something every day. I will try to read something every day. Most of all, I hope to talk to people every day. Feel free to comment, email me, or stalk me and try to find my house. Er…maybe not.

Everything will be under construction for a bit while I figure out things, so I might not be regular for a while. [harhar period joke]

But seriously, I always like mail. It makes me feel like I have friends.

Whatever I say, whatever I do, just remember that deep down, I love everything burritos you.

-Myra.